You Can't Get There From Here by Megan Gordon

Author:Megan Gordon
Language: eng
Format: epub
Tags: Fiction & Literature
Publisher: Allora Press
Published: 2021-07-02T00:00:00+00:00

Strange Secrets Worth Knowing

Had he known then what he knew now, the knife would have stayed in the maple block with all the others; the blue tarp spread on the floor would have remained in his garage; and that couple from North Platte, Nebraska would be wandering through this house, opening cabinets and complaining about the seafoam tile in the second bathroom—they all complained about that tile and with good reason. But it was too late for that, and regrets were part of life, weren’t they?

It was not as if he hadn’t taken time to think this through. These things can’t be done willy-nilly. The stakes were too high. This was what he had wanted. Or thought he had wanted. Strange how the reality of a thing can tarnish the glow it had while it only lived inside the mind.

Even several minutes earlier, before it was done, he’d felt such shivers of anticipation that he'd had to remind himself to take his time and do it properly. Delicate business, death.

The house was empty and immaculate, no furniture and not even a scrap of paper left behind. He prided himself on showing homes only in the best possible shape. It's the reason he was the number one agent in two counties. He’d chosen this place because it was empty and because no one had asked to see it in several weeks—until yesterday. Susan and James were moving from Nebraska because they thought they would have a better life here. They needed something inexpensive, and this house fit the bill because it was, basically, a dump. He’d put them off until Saturday, after it was done. Of course they wouldn’t be able to see it then either because—well, obviously.

They are better off, he thought.

The house didn’t have good light, and it was gloomy and depressing and now it would be really depressing. What this property was good for was razing and building something better. That’s why he chose it.

Everything had run according to plan, so why the doubts now? They’d started the minute the blade of the knife had slid through the flesh.

It was a beautiful thing really. He regularly honed and sharpened each of the blades in his kitchen to keep them in top condition and it showed with this slice—he’d barely had to put any pressure on the hilt and it sailed through the skin as if it were soft butter.

The moment was perfect but the doubt flowed with the first strong stream of blood. It did not deter him, and he finished the job. But now? He was wishing it had. Maybe he could have turned it around.

The doubt crept in because the anger had dissipated with the first bite of the knife. He’d counted on the anger to carry him through the whole procedure. Now he tried to call it back up, but he found himself unable to. He couldn’t remember not feeling angry somewhere underneath, even when he was happy. It was always there, doing its work even when he didn’t think about it, like a gallbladder or kidney.

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